As Luck Would Have it
by dustytiger
Summary: a/u, ust, r, what would have happened had kim made a different choice as a rookie at the 55? complete
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 1 of 10)

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 1 of 10)

AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: this is just a little plot bunny that came to me while talking to a friend. You'll probably figure out who the guy is pretty early on, but I don't use his name right away. All the parts are done now so I can't leave you hanging like I have in the past.

Kim looked at the piece of cardboard and plastic she groaned when she saw the indicator. She picked up the box again, hoping for a moment that she had had a dyslexic moment and had read it backwards. As she re-read the results she knew it was right, she sighed, and shook her head, fighting back tears. It was right, and her suspicions had been well founded.

She knew she didn't want to tell him the truth. She couldn't, afraid that if she told him she would lose him forever. He'd think she had trapped him. He was the first good guy she had found, and now she was certain she was going to lose him over this. It wasn't intentional she hadn't even realized the mistake until it was too late to take the proper precautions.

Five missed pills and one very memorable and amazing night would bring the best relationship of her life to a crashing halt. She knew she didn't want to do anything drastic. She even knew she wanted this to happen one day. This just wasn't how she had hoped it would happen.

She even knew she wanted him to be the father of her children one day; however, she didn't want to spend the rest of her life wondering whether he stayed for what they shared or just because he would want to do what was best for his unborn child. Feelings like that, she knew, could eat away at a person, and that's why she just couldn't tell him the truth.

She threw the test into the garbage, and put a note by her phone to call her doctor the next morning. Not that she could forget. She had heard that sometimes these tests were wrong. Maybe she would get lucky, and it was one of those false positives. But they also said a woman knew, and she knew that there was defiantly someone growing inside of there.

She felt horrible, and was exhausted. She knew she should try to get some sleep. It would be an ever harder shift to work if she got no sleep. Her mind was reeling, but as if on auto-pilot she got herself ready for bed.

When she laid down she couldn't hold it in any longer; she began to cry. Not because of the baby growing inside of her. She wanted it, even if it meant doing it alone. She was crying because a flood of great memories began to flow. She was sure that as soon as he found out that's all they would ever be, some of the most amazing memories of her life.

She knew the things she would miss the most were not the things they did in that bed. Those were pretty amazing; she knew if she had to she could be satisfied. What she could never replace would be the little things he did.

Like the way she would wake up the next morning to find him propped up on one arm watching her sleep. It was a wonderful feeling to wake up to, knowing that the man who had stolen your heart was next to you, seeing his eyes staring adoringly at you when you woke up would send anyone over the moon. When she would ask what he was doing he'd tell her just watching sleeping beauty, or something equally as cheesy. From his lips, however, it seemed sweet and even sincere.

At least until she dropped this bomb on him. When this detonated any adoration that might have been found in his eyes was sure to disappear. She was so mad at herself for forgetting those damn pills. She had never forgotten them before, at least not almost for a full week. He would never trust her again. She had promised him that night that they would be safe and she didn't mean from just infections. She could not see how he could possibly understand. Even if he did it wouldn't be the same as it was before.

A baby, they could deal with, but she had betrayed his trust. Neither of them was ready for this. They hadn't talked about it, but if he was ready protection would not have been such a hot button issue for them. It was impossible to win back trust after something like this.

Kim spent a very restless night, tossing and turning; thinking about all the things that could have been for them which now would never be. When she heard the unmistakable buzz of her alarm she knew she hadn't gotten any real sleep that night. There was too much on her mind to even properly rest.

She got out of bed, slowly, and when she saw her reflection in the bathroom mirror she was now certain she hadn't slept a wink. No amount of make up could cover the stress and the sleepless night she had had. As she stared at her haggard reflection she found one upside. She could lie.

The way she looked knowing the truth about her appearance she could almost convince herself that she really did have a hang over. She would tell him that a girlfriend had called, and needed to go for a night of drinks. She wished it were the truth, that would be easier to explain, and would go away the next morning.

But when her stomach began to lurch she knew the truth. This was not going to be fixed with a giant cup of coffee and greasy yet somehow delicious breakfast. This would not be over for months; she knew that she would have to go it alone.

End part 1

End notes: so this fic could have been one part, but doesn't like chapters being together so it's 10 it's pretty short, it's finished so nooooo evil cliffhangers such as some of my older fic I promise


	2. Chapter 2

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 2 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: this chapter should give away who the mystery man is if you haven't figured it out, but still no name for him; i also decided to from his POV this time

He woke up the next morning, and realized that once again he was alone in his bed. They hadn't been seeing as much of each other of late, and he actually missed her. He knew that what they had was something special, and it could be put to the side for a few days, but it still hurt for him to wake up alone. He always slept better when someone was next to him, and he wanted that someone to be Kim.

He was kind of upset that she hadn't called the night before. It wasn't as if they had agreed to spend every waking moment together, but he missed her first thing in the morning. It gave him something very nice to stare at while the morning cobwebs made their way out of his brain. He knew he would see at work, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't as if he could touch her there.

He had once snuck up behind her in the change room, when he thought no one was looking. He had snaked his arms around her waist, and she had gasped due to her surprise. It was one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard.

When his lips had touched the back of her neck, he now discovered the noise he had just heard was now a close second to the most amazing sound in the world. Until he realized what the sound had aroused in him, and there was nothing that could be done to fix it, since they were at work, and trying to keep it quiet. Her smell was intoxicating and he wanted her right then and there, and couldn't have her. It was pure agony the rest of the day; until they had finally made it to her place.

Everything had build up inside him for so long she had hardly had time to lock the door behind them, before they knew it he was all over her. By the time he realized he was in over his head it had been too late to do anything to protect her. She had assured him that everything would be all right.

Selfishly he went for it anyway, knowing that he shouldn't be doing what he was doing. He needed it, and it had felt so good. He wanted every time to be like that. The words on the backs of packaging could promise everything; but now he knew nothing beat nothing at all between two people.

The guilt didn't start to rise until hours later. He was fully awake realizing it was a mistake. They were nowhere near ready for the step they had taken; they couldn't go back now. If she had been ready for something more they would have talked about it. He propped himself up on one arm and just watched her as she slept. She didn't seem as worried about it as he was, but then again, it should have been his responsibility to keep them as safe as possible.

In his eyes there was no more perfect creature on the face of the earth, now he might lose her. All because of one stupid move at work. He just watched the way her chest would raise and fall. It helped, of course, that there was just enough flesh showing to make it a great show, but still his mind couldn't focus on that. He was too worried that what they had shared the night before had been the biggest mistake of their lives.

When her eyes popped open he was taken a little by surprise. He had apologized for waking her. She had tried to assure him that he hadn't but he wasn't convinced. They went on their own ways to work, as they always did. Not wanting everyone to know the truth. There were of course rumours, which other members of the squad had started, but they weren't about to let that bother them. They knew they weren't ready for the world to know. It was better being caught up in a world of their own.

Things began to get busy both with work, and with his family life, so they had been seeing less of each other. He wanted to think it was just because of everything happening in their lives that this was happening, but he knew she must be regretting their choice, and was trying let him down easy.

It would kill him if that was the choice she made, but he would have trust it. He had brought it upon himself for not being a man and protecting the woman he loved. He had not told her that's how he felt because he knew she wasn't ready. She had told her bits and pieces of her life story, and love was not something this woman took lightly. He had to wait for the right time to tell her.

It would slowly kill him to feel as if she stayed with him just because she thought he was this prince charming; which he knew he wasn't. He had had a troubled past like most men, and was not ready to share that with her. Until he did he knew there could be nothing honest and true between them.

He had never really understood the phrase catch twenty-two before then. This was certainly the ultimate paradox. If he told her the truth he would lose her because she would see he was not who claimed he was. Even if it had been years since he had done those things that part of him was still there. However, if he kept keeping her so distance she would soon move on to someone who would let her in. After all, that was exactly what she needed.

He stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. He had made up his mind. Today would be the day he would tell her the truth. He would come clean. If she still allowed him in then he knew she was his for as long as they would need each other. As an old saying read if you love something you must set if free and see if came back, for if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with. He really didn't want to set her free, but he knew he had to, just to know it was true love.

He got dressed, and decided he would leave a little early and bring her some breakfast, and a coffee. He knew a place that would not be too far out of his way, and she would love it. It was the only place you could get a good strong cup of coffee, and real breakfast to go. None of those breakfast sandwiches which just made you even more hungry for a real eggs and bacon.

When he got into work that morning he was humming some tune that had been on in the restaurant while he was waiting for his order. He had a bag of food, and tray with their coffee in it. When she rolled threw the door her could tell she needed it.

"I got you breakfast and a coffee," he told her, smiling at her.

"Thank you," she said. "I'm not really hungry right now."

"Oh," he was a little hurt.

She took the bag. "I had a little too much to drink last night, and I'm not sure what my stomach is up for."

"I've always found this place has the best hangover food you can find."

"Well thank you maybe I'll try that."s

End part 2

End notes: so I'm you've figured out who "he" is by now


	3. Chapter 3

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 3 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I decided to use a third party for this one who does not get enough time in fanfic. I hope you liked who I used, I always wanted the show to go into his character more in depth, this is how I like to think of the lieu

Lieutenant Francis Johnson always prided himself on knowing what was going on in his station. The people that worked for him were more the just his employees, they were his second family. Since he prided himself on his abilities as a family man at home, his instincts at work were very good.

He had one of the lowest transfer rates in the department, and one of the longest waiting lists to work for his squad. Although he knew his paramedic supervisor was fully capable of handling that aspect he still felt that the members of the family that were not firefighters were still just as important. It really did feel like going to a second home every morning, and that made it a lot easier to leave his wife and kids in the morning.

He had been watching those two together for the last two months. He had certainly noticed the way they would glance at each other when they thought no one was looking, but Francis was always looking. Normally he frowned on workplace romances; but this one seemed different somehow.

Kim was still a rookie, but she had proven herself to be a valuable asset to the team. She had even warded off the charms of his other rookie, who happened to be one of the biggest playboys he had ever hired. He was still unsure what exactly that particular firefighter's intentions were, although he was a very good firefighter, he too often decided to fit the FDNY model mode better then the dedicated team player.

He had been shocked to see that Kim had been able to ward of his many advances. Jimmy Doherty was not, after all, the kind of man that let something he wanted slip between his fingers, and he had wanted Kim Zambrano the second she walked through that door.

The low cut tank top she had been wearing her first shift might have helped matters. Francis was glad that she had come to work more put together after her first day. He figured that she had just come from the gym and hadn't had time to change into something more work appropriate.

He chuckled to himself each time he thought about that first encounter. He was almost certain that Doherty had never heard the word no come from a woman's mouth before, and he was determined to make her change his mind. Maybe if he put that much effort into changing his ways he might have a chance. But while Kim was telling him no, Doherty was taking full advantage of the fire bunnies who practically lined up to get a chance to sleep with model FDNY men.

It never ceased to amaze him how some women would act around a man just because of his job. Even Francis would get offers once in a while, even though he was a very happily married man, and could almost be the father of some of the women who would come up to him. Some days he go so frustrated he would threaten to go over to the police station and tell them they were prostitutes. Some of them may as well have been.

The one day he had done that Bosco ended up coming over to talk to the girls, and he ended getting so many numbers he didn't know what to do with them. At least most of them ended up leaving him and his squad alone for a while.

But all of Doherty's dimple filled smiles and promises of ecstasy beyond her wildest dreams had not fooled Kim. She saw him for the playboy he was, and was even almost lured in, until Kim's partner had stepped in one night. They hadn't realized that he was still in his office finishing up the paper work when Jimmy had tried, once again, to seduce her but it was all in vain.

Francis was surprised he hadn't choked on his coffee when he heard the young paramedic tell Doherty that he was going on a date with Kim that night. He wasn't sure that something really was going on between the two of them but all the classic signs were there. He however did not want to interfere until he knew for sure, or if it affected their jobs.

Now he was a member of his team who had come a long way from the green kid who had come into his station only three years before. He had had a rough patch as a teenager, but the lieutenant had seen something in the young man he admired and had given him the change of a life time. He had hired the young man when no other station in the city would take the risk. He did not once regret his choice. He was quickly becoming a leader within his field, and was actually surprised to see him slip up a little and fall so hard so fast for his partner.

Usually this kind of affair would bother Francis, but there was something about the budding romance the reminded him of what he shared with his own wife, and dream girl, Ruth. So despite the fact he knew he could step in and reassign the pair without having actually seen anything concrete, he had chose not to.

The last few weeks the pair had seemed distant, but still nothing changed when they were out on the streets together. There was something between them which he could not break apart for any reason. It was too important out there to let it go for something as trivial as what they were sharing. He swore they could read each other's minds at a scene, and that was something you could not train any two people to do, and unless his hand was forced he was not going to change the assignment. That was something that happened once in a life time, and in his field that was something you never broke apart, he could not put civilians' lives at risk like that.

He watched the two of them that morning, and they both seemed nervous around on another. He couldn't place his fingers on it right away. He watched Kim accept her morning coffee, but not thank him for breakfast; that was odd behaviour as far as he was concerned, and he knew he'd have to keep an eye on the situation. He hoped that things had not gone wrong. He didn't want to split the pair up, but this might change how they worked together.

When he went to throw away the coffee cup she had left on the table when they had gone out for a call, he was shocked to see that it was still full to the brim. Kim Zambrano was not the kind of woman who could function without her caffeine fix. Alarm bells were ringing in Francis' head. Something was defiantly going on there and he would get to the bottom of it. Had he not chosen FDNY Francis would have been a detective, he loved when he had a mystery to solve right under his nose.

Doherty had come in late as usual on that Saturday morning, but he did not reprimand the young man. He just wrote it down; annual reviews were coming up soon. The guys on the squad were having a quiet day; they had already washed the rigs and were now relaxing in front of the television. As much as any group of men could relax when sports were on the tube, especially when there were friendly wagers in the mix.

Francis was the type of boss he was always around, always observing but never saying too much. When the medics returned the tension from earlier was still there. That was most defiantly something he would have to keep an eye on.

As soon as Kim came inside, Doherty pounced, it was half time, and he wanted some fun. Doherty had a way of doing the exact wrong thing when boredom kicked in, especially when the opposite sex was involved. He went over and smiled at her.

"Hey Kimmy," he said, grinning at her.

"I've told you I'm not interested," she reminded him, she wasn't as forceful as she normally was, and this was his opportunity.

"I just want you to have a quick ride with a real man. Let me show you my stuff."

She shook her head. "You're lucky I don't report you for this."

"If you're going to report me I'm gonna give you something to tell them about," he joked.

Francis was sitting eating a bagel and sipping a coffee, not liking how this scene was unraveling. He watched as Kim's partner's attention when from wanting a shower to the way Doherty and Kim were acting. Francis had never seen the fire that was in the young man's eyes before. He had, however seen that look Doherty had many times before; and the way Kim was looking and feeling that day this could only end badly for the trio.

All of a sudden Doherty made his move, which was a playful, flirty tackle on Kim, just onto the couch. His hand grazed her breast, which Francis felt was a real accident or he would have stepped in sooner.

"Now you have something to write me up about," Doherty joked, as he was half lying on top of her on the couch.

"It's a shame this is the closest you'll ever get to having me in bed with you Jimmy Doherty," she retorted.

Before Jimmy could come up with as witty of response and he could think of he felt himself being talked to the ground, and not in the loving way he hoped Kim would.

End part 3

End notes: okay if you haven't figured it out by now you didn't watch much of the show did you? I did some research on Lieutenant Johnson and the show never gave him a first name, it's just what I've come across in fic as a name for him and I thought it fit for him


	4. Chapter 4

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 4 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm not really going in order with this anymore, I know I should use the name, but I think it works this way.

He felt himself flying across the room as soon as he saw where Doherty's hand had been. No one had the right to touch Kim there; he was the only person he wanted to ever touch her again. Even if she didn't seem to mind at all that the pig had touched her breast; he was furious at the pair of them. He felt betrayed and sick, and his ego finally got the better of him.

"You had no right to touch her there!" he seethed.

"Touch her where? Jesus, I was just kidding around. If this was as big a deal as you're making out to be Lieu wouldn't be happily munching on his breakfast. You need to chill down Romeo."

"You know where you touched her, and that was no accident! I know that you were looking for more."

"I'm not trying anything. Just showing her what a real man can be like; if she's not interested then that's her loss. You may think I'm a sleaze bag but I'm not about to do something that stupid and screw up my career 'round here up."

"Bull."

"Hey Kim, you know was I was just messing around right?"

She shrugged her shoulders, and nodded. "Yeah, just don't do it again or I will have you written up. But it was nothing really. Can you not do this here?" she asked him, her eyes fixed on his as if he was the only person there.

He didn't like the way she was looking at him, as if he had no right to be angry about what had transpired. Just because things were hitting a rough patch didn't mean he didn't care for her, and expect the same respect he gave her. He would never openly flirt with someone while she was in the room, now she was the one who was mad at him. Where did she get off? He was letting himself stew over this, and he was getting more angry by the second.

Now his mind was back on the shower he desperately needed. His last patient had puked on him, and although he had only gotten his jacket, which he had now switched for a clean one, he knew he wouldn't feel clean again until he showered. Besides that the last person he wanted to see at that moment was his partner.

"Fine!" he growled, going to go upstairs, when the tones went off.

The announcement came through the station. "All available units respond squad 86 has called for backup with a row house that has burning all morning. Any available busses should be on scene for any more survivors.

Johnson jumped up. "Let's move it boys!" he yelled, and they all began to scramble, to get into a gear and start the battle.

He meanwhile knew he didn't have a choice but to the scene with Kim. They were not on a call, and there might be someone there who could use their help. It felt like the longest five block ride in the world. This was even more astonishing to him as whizzed past traffic with the ambulance's lights flashing and sirens blaring. Usually he would try to talk to Kim, but he was too angry.

They stopped at a safe distance from the scene, and they waited. He wanted to talk to Kim about what he needed to tell her as they waited. He wanted to do anything as they waited. But instead they just waited, in complete silence.

There were a million and one things going on in his mind, and very little of it had to with what had just happened. He wanted to apologize for the way he had acted, certainly, but mostly he wanted to tell her the truth about his past.

Most of the veterans thought they knew a lot about his past, and felt that he was one of those success stories you read about. He certainly didn't feel that way. He still felt like that scared Hispanic kid from the ghetto.

He wanted to tell Kim about how his father had taken off when he was pretty young, and about his family. He had stepped up and now took care of his family like a man, mostly as his way of making up for his past. He had been an angry teenager, and with help of his little brother had worked off a lot of his angst.

Mostly it was just small stuff, having sex before he should have, trying a few soft drugs, and doing more drinking then someone his age should have. He should have stopped his brother, not joined him he now understood that. But it was too late. His brother on the other hand, had fallen in with the wrong crowd, and when he asked his big brother to join him on that destructive path he had finally made the right choice. That decision had guided him through the rest of his life, but he still regretted not being able to get his brother into the world he was now living in.

He had turned it around. He could have been the same as his brother; who was now getting a little too involved with the New York underbelly. As much as he had wanted to he could not turn around his little brother. The younger man was happy being a gang banger and a thug.

That's what he wanted to tell Kim, what he needed to tell her. He wanted to let her make her choice, with all the cards laid out on the table. But instead he sat on the bumper of the bus, and waited, and stewed over the situation which wasn't really much of anything that had happened at the fire station.

He knew he shouldn't be dwelling on what had happened, but he couldn't help it. It was easier to think about that, and how she was the one who had betrayed him then put his whole heart out there on the line when it could easily be crushed. If he could make this be Doherty's fault he could accept it better.

He watched Kim, carefully. He was trying to read her, small things really. She was biting her lips nervously as she watched the scene unfold. In his current mind frame he managed to make that simple look of worry, and the small nervous habits she was exhibiting and blowing it out of the water to mean something more then they were. He made himself believe that she was sitting next to him worrying about whether or not Doherty would come out of that building alive or dead. No one had seen hide nor hair of him since he had gone in more then an hour earlier.

If he had really stopped to think about it, the radios were being eerily silent. Lieutenant Johnson, who was usually in constant contact with his team, was not saying a word. Normally the radios were not quiet again until the last embers were snuffed out, but today it was just silent.

He had too much on his mind to really notice that. He needed to tell her what he was feeling, and somehow he couldn't muster up the courage. It wasn't even like they were doing anything, just waiting for something to happen, for someone who they could help.

He wanted to know what was going on his her mind, and the things she was doing with her hands, and lips were making him nervous. Part of him wanted to do something to stop her, and something drastic, and hope Doherty would come out of that building and see the way he was acting toward her. So he'd know that he was not to flirt with his girl anymore. But he couldn't work up the courage.

End part 4

End notes: I'm sure you know exactly who this is, I promise his name is coming up soon, it's just a style thing for now.


	5. Chapter 5

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 5 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: so back to kim, seriously you have to know by now, there's also some drama in this one thank you to all the lovely people who have taken time to review this, it's really not what i normally write, but i just had to get it down

Kim meanwhile had all but forgotten about the situation at the fire station before the call had come through. She, however, had noticed the strange silence on the radio that day. She had a lot of respect for the Lieutenant, and had even for a while contemplated taking fire certification before she realized that she would probably not be lucky enough to work for someone like Lieutenant Johnson who would accept a woman on his crew.

At that moment though, all of that was not what was going through her mind. She was exhausted, and waiting for something to happen to get her adrenaline pumping was not helping the situation. At least if she had an emergency she would forget about how tired she was, and everything that she had to tell the man sitting next to her. Instead her mind went back to what it kept going back to every time she was not busy, and that was that there was a baby growing inside of her.

That baby belonged to the man next to her, and every time she thought about it one of the habits she thought she had long ago given up came back. First it was putting her hair behind her ear, until she remembered it was in a pony tail for work. He would notice her trying to fix her hair which was not going anywhere that day.

Next she played with the necklace she always wore. It had been a gift from her mother the day she had graduated high school. Any time during training she would get overwhelmed she would find herself playing with the pendant. She stopped when she remembered she had broken it once by doing that, and she didn't want to break again.

Then it was her hands, they began to fascinate her, and she would look at them, and wonder if her nails were even, and then she would decide they weren't and then she would bite them; which would of course, make them look worse. That bad habit had always been one of those ones she liked to keep hidden. Which was why she had developed other nervous habits, she decided to start thinking about all the germs that were on her hands, and she was able to stop herself from biting all of her nails right off. Being a paramedic had really helped her lick that nasty habit because she could always think about the germs they taught her about while she was in school.

Now she was sitting next to him, and her most hated habit came out, which usually only came out while she was drinking. The oral fixation, she began to rub her lips with her fingers, and then she bit her lips to stop herself. If only she had had something like sunflower seeds, or candy, or anything she could stop herself. She couldn't stop, since her mind was still trying to figure out how in the world she would tell him the truth without losing him.

The only reason she was able to stop was that the radio finally broke its silence.

"We found him," came Doherty's voice over the radio. "We need the medics to meet us at the entrance!"

She didn't even think, and before she knew it they were running toward the door with a stretcher. She didn't even know who they had found. It was strange even with that going on he was still inside of her head and they hadn't had to say anything. She saw the group of firemen emerge; Doherty, Walsh, Lombardo, Kitson. She realized there was only one member of the group missing. She gasped when she realized who it was. They group of men carefully laid Johnson on the stretcher.

"He is in and out of it," said veteran Billy Walsh. "He was trying to get a young woman out, he didn't get her. He ate a lot of smoke. We'll meet you at Mercy; the other squads got it under control."

Kim nodded, and they ran back toward the bus, with the Lieutenant on their stretcher. They immediately got the oxygen started, they also gave him some pain killers since his foot seemed to be angled the wrong way and he had probably broken it. They knew that by giving him those pain killers their boss would turn into bumbling fool. Lieutenant Johnson may have been a great fireman, husband and father, but giving him pain killers of any kind was like giving him wacky tabaccy.

He drove, as usual, while Kim worked on the patient. It was another one of those unspoken rules in their partnership. He would drive and know she could handle everything in the back, after a week of working together they had the routine down, and neither of them ever complained.

As soon as they started rolling and bumping Kim's stomach started to turn, but her boss needed her. She tried to ignore the feelings she was having. The person who called this morning sickness had it all wrong; probably a man she thought. She felt horrible and it certainly wasn't morning any more. This was defiantly not a hang over, they got better not worse.

Kim was so hungry, but she had been afraid to eat or drink anything. She had an appointment the next day, and she wasn't sure how she was going to explain the sudden appointment to her partner. She didn't want him to know just yet. She wasn't ready to drop this on him.

She kept an eye on her boss' vital signs; it was all she could do really. He seemed all right, but smoke inhalation could do strange things to a person, and she had seen it a few times. Usually after getting some oxygen the person would bounce back, but she was still worried about that foot. She wondered what had happened.

She looked away for a second, and caught his eyes quickly in the mirror. As soon as she started to think he noticed she turned back to her boss. She actually jumped when she saw that his had eyes open.

End part 5

End notes: all shall be officially revealed soon although really it's obvious, i think anyway thank you again to my lovely reviewers, half way through


	6. Chapter 6

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 6 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: this one is one of the longer chapters for dramatic purproses, plus it's Johnson again, and I really am enjoying exploring his character as a sub plot a name is revealed

"Jesus!" Francis heard her gasp.

He coughed. "Not the way a man wants to wake up," his voice was gruff.

"You shouldn't talk," Kim reminded him.

"Just a little smoke. Damn I didn't get her in time."

"Try not to think about that."

He couldn't not think about that right now, he hadn't gotten the girl out in time, and he hated when he couldn't get someone out in time. He had tried so hard to get her, then remembered the floor caving in, and some pain. Ruth was going to be so mad when he saw her. At least if he had hurt his foot he would not be able to work for a little while. There was an upside at least, for her anyway.

He hated having to take time away from work, he loved his job, and he knew that before he knew it he would have to retire. He knew the job stressed his wife out sometimes, but he had offered to quit before they were married, and she had told him she could live with the stresses of being fireman's wife if it meant sharing her life with him.

He never doubted that she loved him, but sometimes he knew it was hard for her to handle it when he would get hurt on the job. This time it had been something minor, but he had had some close calls. But he wanted to get that girl out, if he explained it to her that way she would understand. She had to. She always had before.

His mind was reeling and wasn't sure how he was going to explain everything to his wife once he got the hospital. That was when the panic began to set in; his heart was beating a million miles a minute. He couldn't go to the hospital and face her. Once Ruth realized he was going to be all right she was going to give him hell for what he had done. He was so worried about what his wife was going to say and do that he hardly noticed the tension between Kim and her partner.

"I am fine, Caffey turn this rig around!" Johnson snapped.

Kim was staring at the read out, and he knew that there was no way that anyone would turn a rig around with a guy whose heart rate had just spiked like that. But the driver in the front seat would have no way of knowing what the equipment was reading.

"No Sir," he defied.

"That's an order."

"No Sir," repeated.

"Turn this damn rig around! My squad is there!"

He had tried this before and it had worked with him. He always tried it with rookies, sometimes it worked, and sometimes it wouldn't. It usually depended on whether the veteran had ever been tricked into it. He hoped he could succeed again, he knew Kim was pretty convincing. Maybe because Kim was new she might somehow talk him into it. He was surprised she hadn't really said anything when he had ordered them to turn around. She certainly was acting strange.

Since Kim was still new normally it would be easier to get her to do what he wanted, which was at that point to get her partner to turn the rig around so that Francis would not have to face his wife. He wasn't ready. There was one thing in the world that scared him, and that was his wife when she was angry.

"They are not, and I ain't dealing with that wife of yours when I show up with an empty bus again."

One of his first trips with his boss he had made the mistake of listening to the order to turn around and go back to the scene. Ruth had been furious. First at the young rookie who had brought her husband back when he needed medical care, then at her husband for tricking the young man as he had. Francis was glad Caffey had learned that lesson it when he remember what his wife had threatened if he ever, and she meant EVER, did something that foolish again.

He looked up and Kim, who was looking very pale. His instincts as a Lieutenant, a father, and a husband kicked in. He now understood everything that had been going on that day. It became even more clear when he heard her shout.

"Stop!" yelled Kim.

"NO!" Bobby snapped. "He needs the hospital."

"I can wait a minute," Francis assured, he knew that look; Kim was going to be sick.

He hated puke, that's why he chose to run into burning buildings. At first he had wanted to be a paramedic, but when he realized how many patients puked he knew he would never be able to handle it. He had wanted to help people so he decided the next best thing would be fire fighting.

"You need to stop NOW!" Kim repeated.

"Damn it Kim! Why?"

"I'll puke all over you!" she hissed.

He slammed on the brakes, and Francis wished that stretchers came with seatbelts. Kim quickly jumped up, and out of the rig. He watched her stop for a moment before finding a garbage can nearby. There was nothing more humiliating then to be sick on the streets of New York during the day.

He could see pedestrians swerve to avoid the woman who was puking into the garbage cans. He could even hear their snickers from passers by. A couple of motorists zooming by even yelled obscenities. Sometimes he wondered what exactly he loved about the city where he had spent most of his life.

All the pieces of the puzzle had now fallen into place, and he began to laugh. He knew someone had given him pain killers because this was not a laughing matter. This was serious and when he got back to work there would be one hell of a situation to deal with.

"Sorry, Boss, next time she comes to work like this I'll have Doc send her home," he said.

"We can't have that," Francis sighed, shaking his head, that would certainly make the situation worse.

"Why not? She has to know that she can't come to work hung over."

Francis just laughed, the poor kid had no idea what was going on, but the Lieutenant did. He had been down this road a few times with his own wife. The misplaced anger, the morning sickness, all of it, and it was only going to get worse from here if they didn't start being more forthcoming with one another.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"She's not hung over," laughed Francis.

"She's not?"

"Ruthie has done this to me a few times," he was still laughing, though it was turning into a chuckle.

He just was not getting it. "What does your wife have to do with this?"

He shook his head. "Congratulations Caffey."

"Sir, did you hit your head in there?"

He still chuckled. "Possibly, but a congratulations is still in order in a situation such as this."

"What situation might that be?" the young paramedic was truly confused.

"When a man is going to be a father in approximately eight months," laughed the Lieutenant, who was now kicking himself for not reading the signs sooner.

She had acted just like his wife had before each of her pregnancies. She had had three and he missed this, Ruth would never let him live this one down. Not in a million years would she ever stop laughing at him when he told her that it took him this long to read the signs.

Of course it shouldn't really surprise his wife; it almost took her smacking him for him to understand that she was trying to tell him, subtly, that she was pregnant the first time around. This was probably not how the young couple had wanted the truth to come out, and suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore.

"Excuse me, Sir," Bobby said, jumping out of the rig, and going over to Kim. He was glad to see that the two of them might finally be getting it.

End part 6

End notes: so the scene in the bus is actually the original plot bunny that's been keeping me up at night, ps I know it's a tease with no first name, but come now it's fun


	7. Chapter 7

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 7 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: someone equals mad, someone else equals revealed and in trouble, I really hope you're liking how I'm doing this, trying something new since I had to put parts in (trying for chapter cliffhangers)

Kim paused for a second, not wanting to just get sick on the side of a busy road. She then saw garbage can not far from where they had stopped. She ran toward it, and some how despite the fact she had not eaten all day something came up.

She felt horrible, she wanted to tell him the truth, so that he would understand, and want to make her feel better; she just wasn't ready. She felt very alone at that moment while a few people watched her, passed her then began to whisper like she couldn't hear what they were saying. Part of her wanted him to be there just assuring her that it would be all right, and it would all be worth it when they met their baby; still she didn't want to tell him the truth.

"When were going to tell me, huh?" there was more anger in his voice then he would have liked.

Kim looked up confused, wishing now that she had been sick on him, he would have deserved it. At least this way he wouldn't be grilling her over this. He'd be too busy having to clean himself off, and still somehow get their patient, who happened to have firing ability, to the hospital.

"You're not hung over are you?!" he demanded.

"Maybe I'm sick," she offered, weakly.

Maybe if she played her cards right she could convince him that she had a stomach virus. She certainly wasn't ready to come out with the truth and lose him right there on the mean streets of New York. She could just hear the comments from passing cars as her heart broke into a million pieces; followed by her having a complete break down right there over losing the best relationship of her life.

"Quit lying to me Kim!" he yelled

How did he know? She thought to herself, was it obvious? How else would he have known that there was something else going on? She wasn't ready to tell him, but if she didn't she was sure to lose him. She was in a no win situation, and it was at that exact moment her voice refused to work.

"Are you not telling me 'cause I won't like what you have to say?"

She nodded, shocked, how had he figured it out? He had to know the truth. What else could he be thinking was wrong with her if she wasn't hung over and she wasn't sick? She felt her last shred of dignity slipping away having to tell him on a crowded street rather then somewhere more intimate.

"Is it mine?"

She slapped him in the face, and got back in the back of the rig. She had had some dignity left and he had just stolen it from her. She sat down and looked at the lieutenant who was giving her a sympathetic and somehow reassuring look.

Kim, in her own way had answered his question; now he'd be lucky if she ever gave him the right time of day again. Lieutenant Johnson was laughing slightly when they got back into the rig and continued to the hospital. He tried to keep quiet the whole way to the hospital. When the got there Bobby went in with Johnson to tell the doctors what had happened. Ruth had grabbed onto the stretcher where Kim had let go and followed until she couldn't anymore.

Kim went into the waiting room where the rest of the squad was. They were still in uniform, with soot on their worn faces. All of them looked up when they saw her; she knew they'd want an update after all it was their leader who was now in a hospital bed. She was in no shape to give them the information they so desperately wanted but she didn't want anyone else knowing about her personal life that day. She waited for the onslaught of questions.

"How is he?" asked Walsh.

"Did he come back to?" asked Joe Lombardo.

"Has his wife seen him yet?" asked DK.

"Are you going to answer?" asked Doherty after a long pause.

"He was talking in the rig, but they still brought him to surgery," Kim replied. "Yeah, his wife jumped in where I was when I came in here. I thought she needed to see him before he went in."

She was lying she had let go of that stretcher because she needed to get as far away from her the father of the baby as possible. She hadn't cared if she still had a job to do. What she was dealing with was too hard, and she had to get out.

"They probably know him well enough to know they have to him under to put a damn cast on him," sighed Walsh.

"What happened in there?" Kim pondered out loud.

"His foot when through a weak floor board, but he didn't have his mask on cause he was trying to buddy breathe with the girl. Tried to order us to get her out first, but she was already gone. She looked freakishly like his daughter though, probably why he didn't want to leave. It took all of us to get him outta that building. I think he thought it was her trapped in there. He's gonna be off for a while over this one."

"He seemed fine on the way over here. I just hope he stays fine," she sighed.

"He will be," DK assured her.

"How do you know?" she asked.

"Somehow he always is. No matter what scrape he gets into he's always fine. The boss is gonna jump back from this, you know how he gets when we give him pain killers, it's like he looses his mind. Once he has his kids and his wife he'll be just fine."

"I hope you're right."

Kim had never really had a father figure in her life before, and Lieutenant Johnson was the closest thing she knew she'd ever get. She wanted him to be all right. He had known that she was pregnant somehow, and she wanted to tell him to his face that he had been right as soon as he woke up.

She knew that she probably wouldn't be able to that, he had a real family; away from the fire station and that would be who he would want to see first. In the mean time she would have to deal with Doherty, and once he signed off on the paper work Bobby. She wasn't in the mood to deal with either of them at that moment.

Kim knew she didn't want to be in the waiting room any longer she felt the walls were getting closer, and she couldn't stand it anymore. All of the guys were looking at her. She wondered if somehow they knew too. She was getting paranoid, and was feeling one whopper of a headache coming on.

It didn't surprise her that her head was pounding with all the stress she had been under since finding out, coupled with the fact she hadn't been able to keep anything down. She couldn't stand to be in the small, suddenly loud, space anymore. She quietly excused herself, and was glad that no one had followed her out.

All she wanted was to get home, she needed a cab. Now that the fresh air hit her, she realized what had happened with Bobby, and she was getting upset. He had actually accused her of cheating on him; like she was some kind of slut who was sleeping with some other guy at the same time.

At that moment she was convinced that she was going to have go it alone. She would never trust Bobby Caffey again as long as she lived. She was now full out bawling, walking down the street desperately trying to hail a cab, but no self respecting cabbie in the city would stop for a crying lady that looked like she had been up all night. He would be too afraid he would puke in his car. All she wanted was to get as far away from that hospital as possible. She had never been so mad in her life.

How could he think that the baby might not be his? Until that night about a month ago the two of them hardly spent a night apart. It was the most humiliating question she had ever been asked in her life. She stood there silently praying that one of the cabs would stop and get her as far away from that man as possible. She'd go to her cousin's in Jersey if she had to just to get away from him.

End part 7

End notes: so the cat is out of the bag, I hope you are liking the character development I am experimenting with along the way and that it doesn't take away from the story


	8. Chapter 8

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 8 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: bobby sure is in a lot of trouble right now, will it all work out

Bobby had finished up the paper work, and decided to go into the waiting room where the rest of the squad was, hoping Kim would be in there. When he got inside all of the guys looked up, and shrugged. At least she hadn't been mad enough at him to tell them what he had done to her. They probably would have kicked his butt.

They may have just met Kim Zambrano but she was already like a sister to most of them; with the exception of Doherty since you generally don't want to hop into bed with a woman you think of as a sister. Bobby knew without having to ask what the squad felt about his partner, and was glad that for now they didn't know the mistakes he had made with her. It wasn't going to be long before the whole squad heard about what was going on between the two of them.

The last time Johnson had been on pain killers the whole squad got to hear far too many details about his love life. It was still a bit of a joke around the station. He could hold his tongue until annual reviews when it came to his staff; but the second those pain meds went into the IV drip you might as well put him on stage he sang so loud. What he was going to have to say this time would probably cost Bobby a transfer. He knew deserved it after what he had told Kim.

"Did you see which way Kim went? I have a lot of groveling to do."

Ruth came in, and sat down with the group of men. She always sat with guys while they waited for news. Some of the other wives in the department would try to get rid of them, but never Ruth Johnson. She seemed to understand that those guys were her husband's second family and accepted them like surrogate sons.

"I saw her trying to hail cab," Ruth said, softly.

Bobby was gone, flying down the hallway to try to catch her before she had any more time to stew over what he had very stupidly said. It wasn't like he even meant it the way it had come out. He was just so hurt. After the good times they had shared he couldn't think of any other reason why she wouldn't tell him about the baby.

The squad would probably call him something less then a man if they ever knew, but he had always wanted to be a father. He always thought it was because he hardly knew his own dad, and his past was so sorted he just wanted to show his kids the right path in life; like a chance to align the good karma again. Even if his two sisters had turned out great in spite of their past, his brother who he thought it was his duty to protect and teach to fly right was on a crash course. If it killed him he was going to make things right for Kim and the baby.

He saw her standing out there, trying to hail a cab. She looked like something the cat had dragged in, but in his eyes she still looked like the most amazing creature that ever walked the planet. When he noticed that a cab was slowing he began to sprint toward her, he barely caught up with her, but was able to slip inside the same taxi before it pulled away. It hardly had time to move away before Kim tried to stop it.

"Where you go?" the cabbie asked, with a thick accent.

"Nowhere with this man," growled Kim.

"I start meter, lady. Even if I call cop I start meter."

Bobby was glad for his good luck. He knew Kim was not the type of person who would sit there and let the meter run while they waited for the cops to show up. She would have no choice but to give an address even it was only a few blocks away. Maybe if they went somewhere less charged they would have better luck with reconciliation.

"The corner of King and Arthur, there's a fire station there," said Kim, and the cab started to roll forward again.

The car lurched forward and began a very slow and eerily silent ride to Camelot. Bobby wasn't sure what to say. He hated being in cabs especially when they were so quiet he could hear the stupid radio calls that constantly came in. When they stopped in front of the station, Bobby pulled out a fifty, and told the cabbie to keep the change. Mostly so that Kim could not argue her way into paying the fare. No cab driver in the world could resist a fifty percent tip.

The pair got out of the car, and Kim went right up the change rooms, Bobby followed her. She tried to go into the shower room, but Bobby followed her, it wasn't as if any else was there, they were all at the hospital waiting for news on their boss.

"Dammit Bobby!" she growled at him. "Leave me alone before I go next door and tell them you're stocking me!"

He didn't want that to happen. He wanted to be there for ever part of his unborn baby's life, and that would be very hard to do if she started with restraining orders and charges. He just wanted her to talk to him. At least following her had broken her silence.

"Talk to me!" he begged.

"Why should I?! You think I'm some kind of whore, well that's just fine, but I'm not bring my baby into the world with its father thinking its mother is a piece of trash."

"That's OUR baby, and I don't think the mother is a whore!" he snapped. "I happen to be in love with her!"

Her eyes flashed with rage. "How dare you! How dare you do this after what I told you! That isn't fair Caffey, and you know it!"

"What's not?" he asked, partly perplexed and partly hurt.

He had wanted to tell her how he felt for almost a month now, but he had been afraid. Now seemed like the perfect time. The fact that she hadn't called him Bobby felt like a dagger through his heart. He had told her the truth, and now she was treating him like that. Maybe the whole thing had been a mistake. He would have to be there for his child but nothing said that he had to married to the mother.

"I told you that my mother followed around my father like a lost puppy because he'd tell her he loved her, and he didn't. He didn't love her, and he didn't love me or my sister. So how can you even say something like that to me right now!?"

"Cause I've felt it for a long time, and I didn't want to scare you. But now that I know you're the mother of my baby I can't keep it in any longer."

She screamed in sheer frustration. "You are something else! Why do you want to hurt me, huh? What did I ever do to you? It was an accident, I thought I had taken those pills, and now you're torturing me because I made a mistake."

"I'm not Kim, it was me who made the mistake," he told her, reaching for her hand, praying she wouldn't pull away, or worse run to police station across the street and have him charged.

He wanted nothing more then to have both her and the baby they were going to have in his life. He needed her; nothing had ever felt so right before. He wanted to be that guy who would come home and talk to his wife's belly after a hard day at work. He wanted to be the kind of guy who showed everyone pictures of his kids until someone threatened to shove them down his throat. He wanted all of it; but it was all hinging now on weather or not she would believe that he was being honest, or get scared and run. He felt like the earth was going to stop spinning if she didn't do something, anything, soon.

End part 8

End notes: what choice is she going to make, how different is it going to be from what the show insinuated?


	9. Chapter 9

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 9 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: get your potato smashers ready this one is a lot of mush, don't be scared away you've made it this far!!

Kim looked into his eyes, and searched for any signs of malice. She couldn't find it he just looked hurt, almost like a lost puppy, as he reached for her hand. She let him take it she always loved how small her hand felt when it was inside of his. All she could do was stare into his eyes; she got lost in them just like that first night by his car after he had kissed her.

She couldn't forget the day she finally realized that this guy who she had worked with, and never thought she could land in a million years showed her he was actually interested. Doherty had been hitting on, her as per usual, and was getting the upper hand talking about how she shouldn't be alone on a Saturday night. She was really starting to feel down on herself and was just about to give him a chance when Bobby had come in and interrupted.

If he hadn't she would have made the worst choice of her life, but instead he was telling Doherty that they were planning on going out that night, and to leave her alone. She knew it was a lie, but it had given her time to snap out of whatever had come over her while staring at Doherty, and walk away. Those dimples were dangerous she would conclude in hindsight.

She thought it would only be fair to thank Bobby, so she went over to his car, or rather his very sleek Jeep to do just that. When she went to the open driver's side window she had been shocked to see his head come out, and his lips meet hers. One thing had lead to another and they had shared anything but a boring Saturday night in.

Now after all the anger she had felt toward him not even hours earlier all she could feel was that same uncertainty, but at the same time, desire that she had felt that first night. She had never dreamed that such an amazing guy would want a train wreck like her, but here he was offering his heart to her once again.

This time it was all she wanted, not only for herself but the baby growing inside her. So she took his hand, then leaned in and kissed him. It was even more amazing then that first kiss they had shared. She wasn't sure if she was ready to tell him what exactly she felt toward him as she wasn't sure herself what those feelings were. But she did know she wanted to trust him, and allow whatever was blooming to grow. She just hoped she would not live to regret it later.

"Tell me?" she asked. "What in the world is an amazing guy like you doing falling in love with a train wreck like me?"

"Well maybe he's a bit of a train wreck himself," he offered.

"You?" she was shocked to say the least, he always seemed so put together.

She wondered what he could possibly think was so bad in his past that she would ever think he was train wreck. All she ever saw when she looked at him was an amazing guy who she really liked to have fun with, but figured would get bored with her and find someone better.

"What could make you think you're a train wreck, Bobby?" she asked softly, she really did want to know.

"I am a train wreck. I didn't have my father growing up, and when I was younger I made a lot of bad choices. I had a record bad enough to almost keep me from this job, but Lieu saw past all of that and hired me anyway."

"People change Bobby, you're a good man now," she tried to assure him.

"Stop saying that, I'm not."

She touched his face gently, and just looked into his eyes. "You are, to me. A great man, Bobby, perfect. You want to be there for me and for the baby, that's what my mother always taught me was a good man."

"Before you make your choice about this I have to be honest with you about my past."

"That doesn't matter, you're who you want. I want to try this, whatever it may be."

"If I was all that you think I am then my kid brother, Matty, he wouldn't be off gang-banging right now. He'd be taking care of Ma instead of sending her to an early grave. I did that Kim, and that's why you need to get yourself and this baby the heck away from me."

"Did you put a gun to his head and make him do the things he is doing?" she asked him, her one hand in his, the other on his face.

"No, you don't understand, I showed him that world, now he's stuck in it."

"I know you well enough to know that you also showed him the way out and he won't take it. I don't even have to ask you anything else to know that you have tried everything to help your brother and he won't take your help. I know that's how you operate with anyone I've seen you on the streets, with perfect strangers, what you have is something great, and it can make people do anything they want to do. But your brother doesn't want to do that because of he did he would take the help you were offering. Strangers on the street let you help them because they know it's the right choice. Your brother thinks he's making the right choice not being like you."

"But-" he tried to say, but she stopped him.

She put her finger on his lips. "No buts, you are good man, who takes care of his mother and sisters; and knows how to make a lady feel like some kind of princess. If that is not the definition of a modern prince I don't know what is. I want you in my life Bobby, and I want you to be a father to our baby."

"I want that too Kim. But you have to understand the past."

"I do understand that and I honestly don't care, Bobby, I don't. I promise. All I know is that you are the first man I've felt this way about who seems to feel the same way about me."

"I do, Kim, but don't you see that's why I need to let you go, so you can find someone better."

She kissed him gently. "There is no one better for me then you Bobby. If I were to lose you today, I'd be off with the likes of Jimmy Doherty tomorrow, and then who knows what kind of roller coaster my life would be. With you I know I can be happy, and things will be stable. That's what I want; why I want this."

She took a long deep breath and just stared into his eyes. All the fear she had had only moments ago seemed to be melting away. She no longer had so many questions about what they were doing. Somehow she knew that this was right and all she wanted and she needed him to know.

"I love you Bobby Caffey, please, please, don't break my heart," she whispered uncertainly, both of her hands now holding his.

"Never," he promised, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Never, Kim, I love you too much." He kissed her gently. "You know there is no one here, and you did mention you had a little fantasy about being in a fire station."

She thought about that for a moment, and realized she may never get a chance such as this again. All she wanted at that moment was to be in that man's arms, when a devilish idea popped into her head.

She grinned at him, mischievously. "Do you happen to know which one of those bunks is Doherty's?"

"I most certainly do, follow me."

End part 9

End notes: okay there was some irony and humour in there too, I hope it made the mush survivable


	10. Chapter 10

TITLE: As Luck Would Have it (pt 10 of 10)  
AUTHOR: dustytiger aka Trista Groulx  
RATING: M to be safe (or whatever is the equivalent to R)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I am certainly not making any money from borrowing them. They belong to NBC their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them.  
SUMMARY: what would have happened in the early days had Kim made a different choice?  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: still some mush, this is the last installment, I am aware that this chapter may have been slightly unnesscary but i hate when stories end at odd numbers

Francis was laying in the bed as his wife doted on him. He hated when she did that after he was hurt. It made him feel more guilty. He was the one who was hurt and she was acting like the world's sweetest nurse. He hadn't yet been able to tell her why he had gotten hurt. The girl in the building had looked so much like their daughter, who was now sitting in the corner playing with her hands. She did not like being in hospitals, they always made her nervous.

"Come over here and lie down with Daddy," he told her softly.

She popped up from the chair, and went right to the bed. She hopped in, careful not to touch any of the machines and wires that were attached to him, and curled right up into him. He never wanted her to outgrow this stage, but she was nine now and it was only a matter of time before she became a teenager. He lived for these moments with his family. The boys were at a camping trip and there was, and it would be difficult to reach them. Besides he and Ruth had decided that the accident wasn't severe enough to ruin their weekend over.

He looked down at his daughter's face, and smiled. She had fallen asleep. It was one of the best feelings in the world. He loved having a daughter it was so different from having sons. She just loved to cuddle her Daddy and hadn't grown out of it the moment she started school.

He then looked at his wife and knew he had some explaining to do. He hadn't been looking forward to this part. No matter how supportive she was she always wanted explanations and sometimes she wouldn't like what he had to say. He figured this would be one of those times.

"The girl, in the fire," Francis said. "She could have been her twin." He touched his daughter's fine red hair; it was just like her mother's.

"Is that why you did what you did?" she asked, as always not angry.

Francis was always amazed at how calm his wife could stay in a situation. She had never gotten mad at the guys on the squad, and she never showed any fear or anger. He knew that was one of the reasons they had been able to stay together, and would be one of those couples who actually lasted it was so rare these days.

"Yeah, I guess in my mind it was her, and I couldn't let her stay in there. I knew she was gone, but I just wanted to get her out. It was like she was ours and you were out there waiting to have her in your arms, even if she wasn't alive."

She nodded. "It wasn't her, and I wasn't there. If something like that did happen I would want to have all the members of my family alive and if someone didn't make it I would have a lot of talking to do with God."

"Ruthie I'd have to do everything I could if it were our family."

"I know, but it wasn't. I don't want to talk about this right now. I want you to focus on getting better. You got out, that's what counts. Your squad must really care about you. I heard they all got you out together. It would be a lot harder for me to accept you doing this if you didn't have a good group of men out there."

He nodded. "I am very lucky. I had some good paramedics working on me too."

She nodded. "You did, and one determined one. That Zambrano girl is the first rookie who you haven't managed to scare into following the order to turn the rig around."

"She wasn't driving."

"Even rookies who weren't driving have made that mistake. Bobby seemed rather smitten with her the way her ran off after her." Ruth knew Bobby well he had been at the receiving end of the first time she had actually been mad about something happened in her husband's job.

Ruth would never forget the young man. She had felt so guilty after that incident. She had never lost her temper like that before. Not only on the innocent paramedic who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; but also at her husband. She had even threatened to leave him if he ever tried that stunt again.

"He should be, they're having a baby," Francis chuckled a little, not because of the medication this time, but at himself for having missed all the signs he should have seen.

"And you allow them to work together?" she asked, surprised.

"They click on the streets, like they can read each other's minds. So long as their personal lives don't interfere with that I'll keep them together."

"What will Doc think about that?"

He shrugged. "In the end I have the final say it is my house. If downtown wants to have a fit about it then I'll take their wrath. Until I have to those two are staying together."

"That's your choice. Now what is that little grin all about?"

He shrugged. "I'm just laughing at myself for not figuring it out sooner."

"I'm glad you didn't become a police officer like your father you would have always come home so disappointed. You've always been two steps behind when it comes to your so called detective work."

He nodded. "I know. But Kim was acting just like you did when we found out Mason was on the way, and I didn't even realize that that was the cause of all of the problems that day until she jumped out of the rig and was sick in a garbage can."

She laughed. "You are a great firefighter honey, but you sleuthing skills leave a lot to be desired." Her attention then went to the door. "You have some vistors, and I need some coffee, I'll bring you some vegetable juice."

"But, Dreamgirl," he tried to argue.

"It's that or nothing," she passed Bobby and Kim on her way out. "Congratulations, both of you. I can't wait to hear what sex it will be." She then went down the hallway.

"Boss we have something to tell you," said Bobby, even though he clearly already knew.

"I already know," the Lieutenant assured them. "Congratulations. It's the best feeling in the world. There's something about the two of you that reminds me of what I have with my wife."

"Sir, are you still doped up?"

"Not really, but I want you two to stop worrying. You two have something on the streets that can't be taught. You two will be working together a long as I'm in charge."

"You could lose your job over this," Kim said, worried.

"I might get some heat from downtown, but this old firefighter is used to that. Now I want you both to go home, and I'll see you when I get back."

The stood there for a long moment. "That IS an order," he said firmly.

Francis watched them scurry off, and then let his attention fall to his daughter. He just hoped that those two got as lucky as he had with their family. He had a feeling they would. There was just something about them that seemed meant to be. As luck would have it he knew that feeling very well.

THE END

End notes: so that is the end, there isn't anymore it was just a thought that came into my head, I like to think they lived happily ever after :) ps this one's for you jen for planting the seed in my head


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